How to Be Saved
(According to Jesus Himself)

According to the Bible, after you die, you either go to heaven (a good place) or to hell (a bad, painful place) ... and that's where you'll exist for all eternity (see John 5:28-29 and Hebrews 9:27).

Let's see what the BIBLE (not some evangelist or a Baptist preacher or a catechism) says about how to get saved   —   how to get to heaven.

Let's do one better: let's go strictly by what Jesus Christ himself said.   Yes, I know that Paul and Peter and James wrote lots of stuff that's in the New Testament, but Jesus is GOD (see John 10:30 and Colossians 2:9).   Surely we can trust what HE has to say on this important subject.

Think of this as a checklist.   These are the things you have to do (a) to be saved and (b) to avoid spending an eternity in hell screaming in pain along with Stalin, Hitler, Charles Manson, and me.

And let me say, my Christian friends, that you can argue with me, but you can't very well argue with Jesus.   And if you think I'm "taking these verses out of context," hell, look 'em up.

Either you believe Jesus or you don't.

Bible Text
What JESUS Requires You to Do to Be Saved

Luke 10:25-28
      On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
      "What is written in the Law?" [Jesus] replied. "How do you read it?"
      He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind;' and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
      "You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
      Love God completely. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Luke 18:18-22
      A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
      "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good   —   except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'"
      "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.
      When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." [emphasis added]
      PLEASE NOTE that Jesus didn't tell this man to BELIEVE anything.   Jesus only told him that he had to DO certain things to be saved.
      1.   [By implication] Keep the Ten Commandments.   All of them.   You know ... no other gods, no graven images, no stealing, killing, false witness, adultery, coveting, Lord's name in vain [quick: What IS the Lord's name? Do you even know?], honor Mom and Dad, keep the Sabbath.

      2.   Sell everything you own and give the money to the poor.

Friend, have you done this yet? Then you're not a Christian, are you?

Luke 14:26-33
[Jesus speaking]   "If anyone comes to me and does not HATE his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters   —   yes, even his own life   —   he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."   [emphasis added] Hate:
      (a) your father,
      (b) your mother,
      (c) your wife,
      (d) your children,
      (e) your brothers,
      (f) your sisters, and
      (g) your own life.

Carry your cross. Give up everything.

See #1 supra. You are required to love your neighbor, and you are required to hate your sister.

See #2 supra. You are required to honor your father, and also hate him.

Being a Christian sure is complicated!

John 6:53
Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you." [emphasis added]       Eat human flesh, and drink human blood [we're pretty sure that "the Son of Man" = Jesus, but even if that's not the case, "the Son of Man" has to be a reference to a human]. You have to eat human flesh and drink human blood in order to become a Christian and escape an eternity in hell.

Matthew 18:2-3
He [Jesus] called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." [emphasis added] Become like a little child.

John 3:3-8
      Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
      "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!"
      Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and of the spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the spirit."
Be born a second time. Be born "of water and of the spirit."

Whatever that means.

Matthew 5:17-20
[Jesus speaking]   "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." Keep all of the Old Testament commandments (all 613 of them).   And you thought you were going to get away with just keeping the Ten Commandments (see #2 supra)!   You have to be more righteous than Pharisees and teachers of the law.

John 3:16
[Jesus speaking]   "For God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten [monogene] son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Believe in Jesus. Just believe. No actions are required. No selling of one's possessions; no need to hate mother, father, sister, nor anybody else; you just THINK your way to heaven, apparently.

To sum up: In order to be saved (i.e., become a Christian; not go to hell; be born again), you must, according to Jesus Christ himself, be a

      —   God-loving
      —   neighbor-loving
      —   Ten-Commandments-keeping
      —   broke/penniless
      —   father-hating
      —   mother-hating
      —   wife-hating
      —   children-hating
      —   brother-hating
      —   sister-hating
      —   cross-carrying
      —   human-blood-drinking
      —   human-flesh-eating
      —   childish
      —   born-twice
      —   Old-Testament-commandment-keeping (you have to do this BETTER than the Pharisees)
      —   Jesus-believing

... person who owns nothing (no possessions allowed).   Got it?

And if you want to be an especially good Christian, you should cut off your own testicles (Matthew 19:12).   Jesus said it, I didn't.

Most Americans claim to be Christians.   How many people do you know who actually meet all of these requirements ... as specified by Jesus Christ himself?