6.   The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child receives presents weighing a total of one pound, Santa's sleigh is carrying 189,000 tons of cargo (not counting the weight of Santa himself, who is invariably described as overweight). This is more than twice the weight of the ocean liner Queen Elizabeth.

7.   One conventional reindeer can pull, at most, 300 pounds; Santa would therefore need 1,260,000 reindeer to pull his sleigh. Assuming that Santa harnessed them two by two, the reindeer would stretch 835 miles in front of the sleigh, and would add some 94,500 tons to the weight of the entire rig. If Santa were parked on a rooftop in Dallas with his rig pointed west, Rudolph would be somewhere in New Mexico. If Santa, seated in his sleigh, shouted, "Rudolph, let's go!" the sound of his voice would take just over an hour to reach the red-nosed reindeer (he would have to yell very, very loudly).

8.   The real problem is that 189,000 tons traveling at 28,042 mph creates tremendous air resistance. It would heat up the reindeer in much the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere; in other words, one million reindeer would burst into flames (Rudolph and the two lead reindeer first) and would create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized in approximately four seconds. Santa himself, if he could survive the air friction, would be subjected to forces several thousand times greater than gravity.

9.  In conclusion: without more evidence than what we have, we must conclude that Santa Claus does not exist or, if he does, that he is not capable of the Christmas activities that are attributed to him.

Frankly, we always suspected that it was your parents putting those toys under the tree.