TOP 1000

American Council of Witches
My Favorite Amulets
Ancient Chinese Proverbs
Basic Ritual
Basic Training
Be Here Now
The Bible God
Biblical Contradictions
Bottom Line
The Burning Times
But You Didn't
Cautio Criminalis
The Celtic Cross
Tarot Spread
Charlton Heston Speaks
Christians and Christianity
The Color of the Universe
Craft Names
Create Your Own Science Fiction Adventure
The Dark Goddess
The (Tarot) Death Card ...
36 different versions
Death is Nothing at All
Escape From Witchcraft
My Eulogy
Five Questions
Fluffy Bunny Witches
Frequently Asked Questions
Genesis 22
George W. Bush
National Guard Service
Action Figure
George W. Bush ...
Good Witch's Bible
Hate Mail Generator
Haunted House
Headline (Fantasy)
He'll Fuck You Up
The Housewife
How Do You Know You're a Witch?
How to Lose Weight
How to Survive the End of a Horror Movie
I Believe
I Don't Like Spam !
I Wear the Pentagram
If I Ever Become an Evil Overlord
I'm Not a Radical
Jack T. Chick Tracts
Key to the Tarot
Kissing Hank's Ass
Little Dissertations
Living With Terrorism
The Lord of the Dance
The Lost Book of the Bible
Love Poem
A Love Spell?
Mad Cow Disease
Making Your Own Wand
Making Your Own Pentacle Tile
Medieval Times
(Dallas, Texas)
A Meditation
Another Meditation
Misconceptions About Witches
Money Spell
Moon Phase on Your Date of Birth
Movie Quiz
The Official, Certified, Correct Version of Wicca
An Overview of Wicca
A Pagan at the Pearly Gates
Page 237
Pascal's Wager
My Favorite Pentagrams
People Behind the World Trade Center Attack
A Plea to Webmasters
A Poem by Cather Steincamp
The Practice of Law
Prayers to the Goddess
(and to the Lord)
Profile (Me)
Quotations from Jack T. Chick Tracts
Reading List
The Rules of Combat
Sabbats (1)
Sabbats (2)
Sabbats (3)
Salem Village, 1692
Santa Claus
Sirius Bigwitch, Him Cast de Spell for You!
Synchronicity II
10,000 Goddess Names
Theology (Pagan)
Thirteen Goals
of a Witch
This is Not a Perfect Circle
This is Your
Captain Speaking
Tips on Tarot Reading
RMS Titanic
To Remember Me
A True Story (1)
A True Story (2)
A True Story (3)
A True Story (4)
A True Story (5)
A True Story (6)
Waiting for the Goddess
What Witches Do
"Wiccan Can Wear Pentacle"
Wiccan Funeral
The Wiccan Rede
The Witches' Rune
Women and the New Testament
Words of Wisdom
Quotations (page 1)
Sorry about all the font colors. RED indicates a link.
Some questions don't have answers.
The man who loves right and righteousness will do right, law or no law, while the man who loves wrong will do wrong in spite of all law.
If you love, you will suffer.

There is nothing beautiful or sweet or great in life that is not mysterious.
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
— the last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)
If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people. This is very difficult, since we think they're happier than they really are.
Obstacles are those scary things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Those of us who dance are considered to be insane by those who cannot hear the music.
"I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need."
Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
— Oscar Wilde
"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
— Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
The dumber people think you are, the more suprised they are when you kill them.
I majored in Liberal Arts.   Do you want fries with that?
Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
Art should never try to be popular.   The public should try to be artistic.
Life is a bad joke, and all of us, collectively, are the butt of it.
I'm a lawyer.   If I had to worry about going to hell, I'd never get anything done.
    God is my co-pilot.   It's Satan who makes me keep pushing down so hard on the accelerator.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
"We [the Beatles] probably seem to be anti-religious ... none of us believes in God"
—   Paul McCartney (quoted in Hit Parader, January 1970)
Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I drive WAY too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Intelligence may be defined as the thing that the intelligence tests test.
      The best way to determine a person's true personality is by what kind of jokes make him angry.
      Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: "could have, might have, and should have."
The saddest moment in a person's life comes only once.
Never engage in any winter sport that has an ambulance parked at the bottom of the hill.
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Depends on how many of them took lessons.
I cried for madder music and for stronger wine,
But when the feast is finished and the lamps expire,
Then falls thy shadow, Cynara! the night is thine
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty.   And cracked.   And I just cut my lip on it.   And chipped a tooth."
— Janeane Garofalo
Character is defined by the decisions you make when you are 100% sure you won't get caught.
Happiness is nothing more than health and a poor memory.
      "Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made the one superior to the other[.] ... Good women are obedient[.] ... As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and beat them[.]"
— The Koran (Surah 4:34)
A clever man commits no minor blunders.

      "All truth passes through three stages.   First, it is ridiculed.   Second, it is violently opposed.   Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
— Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

    "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
— Arnold Schwarzenegger, then Governor-elect of California (2003)
      "Do not worry; eat three square meals a day; say your prayers; be courteous to your creditors; keep your digestion good; exercise; go slow and easy. Maybe there are other things your special case requires to make you happy, but my friend, these I reckon will give you a good lift."
— Abraham Lincoln

"These go to 11."
— Nigel Tufnel in This is Spinal Tap
Why do irons have a setting for "permanent press?"
"ANYWHERE is 'walking distance' if you have enough time."
— Steven Wright
"I'm currently writing an unauthorized autobiography."
— Steven Wright
"I put a new engine into my car, but I didn't take the old one out."
— Steven Wright
"I spilled spot remover on my dog . . . and now he's gone."
— Steven Wright

"I was reading the dictionary the other day. I thought it was a poem about everything."
— Steven Wright
If you go to a general store, will they let you buy something specific?
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
— Steven Wright
"Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?"
— Steven Wright

"I want to say something positive, but I can't think of anything positive to say ... will you settle for two negatives?"
— Woody Allen
      Truth is always stranger than fiction.   That's because fiction has to make sense.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Remember that half the people in the world are below average.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I just let her sleep.
Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.
Mimes are always funnier when they're dead.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
        - A Yale University management professor in
        response to student Fred Smith's paper
        proposing reliable overnight delivery service
        (Smith went on to found Federal Express).

I am a witch.
For centuries, we had to live in the shadows.
But the dark ages are over.
Try to burn me NOW, motherfucker.
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known things, there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know."
— U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (2003)
"When two incompatible beliefs are advocated with equal intensity, the truth does not lie half way between them."
— Richard Dawkins
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
— Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Health" is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
[On marriage]   "When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."
- George Bernard Shaw
"I realized again that what seems to me so rich about America   -   this great, open, changing, diverse society   -   is what frightens and sometimes angers others.   They see an assault on family values.   We see family.   Our family.   Our values."
— Ellen Goodman, writer for The Boston Globe, October 5, 2003, writing about a gay wedding she had attended.
Education is the progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
"Giggle. Giggle if you want to."
— Amy Grant   (1960 -      )

"Anything any other man can do, I can do.   Maybe not as well, but I can do it."
— Frank Nixon (father of Richard Nixon)
Why doesn't the Spanish channel have English subtitles?
No matter how much trouble you go to to make something "idiot-proof," there is, somewhere in the world, at least one idiot who will be able to fuck it up.
"That rainbow song is no good.   Take it out."
- Memo from an MGM executive after the first screening of "The Wizard of Oz"
To vacillate or not to vacillate: that is the question . . . or is it?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
The map is not the territory.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.
You never really learn to curse until you learn to drive.
"Stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."
Veni, vidi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
    "The midnight earth sends incense up, sweet with the breath of prayer,
    "Go out into the naked night and get religion there."
— Sam Walter Foss
      "Scientists are complaining that the new dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years.   They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression.   What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?"
— Jay Leno
"Having committed political suicide, the Conservative Party is now living to regret it."
— Chris Patten, British Politician (2003)
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
— Herm Albright
"Any technology that does not appear magical is insufficiently advanced."
— Gregory Benford
"Any universe simple enough to be understood is too simple to produce a mind able to understand it."
— John Barrow
      "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons."
— Popular Mechanics magazine, 1949
"I always liked to chase the girls.   Parkinson's stops all that.   Now I might have a chance to go to heaven."
— Muhammad Ali (calling Parkinson's Disease a blessing).
Suburbia is where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
One of us is thinking about sex . . . okay, it's me.
Macho Law forbids me to admit I'm wrong.
Ambivalent?   Well ... yes and no.
Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except my friends deep inside the earth.
"Come on in, and try not to screw things up by being yourself."
— Helen Hunt to Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets
Any reasonably intelligent person can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.   It takes a touch of genius to move in the opposite direction.
"Would that be turgid or flaccid, sir?"
— the local Porsche dealer, when I told him I wanted a car the same color as my penis.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
— Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
It's easy to realize that you have roots in the past.   Remember that you also have roots in the future.
One human being is worth more than all the holy books in the world.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.

Listen to your enemies.   They're the first ones to tell you your faults.
"If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, someone will do it."
— The original 1949 version of "Murphy's Law," from the late Edward A. Murphy, Jr.
"I was walking down the street just a-having a think
"When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
"He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise.
"He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
"He stared at me and I felt a change.
"Time meant nothing; never would again."
- "Let's Do the Time Warp Again" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

"Any object or entity can catalyze insight.   Or, to put it another way, you can look through any window to see the sunlight."
— Amber K, True Magick, p. 126.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
— Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"I want to kiss her but ... she won't let me.   I want to hold her behind ... closed doors.   When she got up, she asked me to hold her seat.   She's the kind who took men's hearts ... and wrecked 'em."
- atrocious puns from an obscure song I once heard.

"You could be a headache, but you never were a bore."
  — Shirley Ross to Bob Hope in "Thanks for the Memories" (from "The Big Broadcast of 1938")
"Human beings have stopped evolving morally, and our baser impulses to lie, cheat, gossip, and steal are behaviors we'll just have to learn to live with."
— Dr. Michael Shermer
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-the-last mistake.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.   But in practice, there is.
"I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them."
— Baruch Spinoza
Re the fact that homosexuality is "hard-wired" in some people, and is not something that is "learned:"
"If homosexuality could be learned, a veritable army of women recovering from troublesome, disappointing men would surely sign up for the course."
- Margo Howard in "Dear Prudence," November 24, 2003 (dearprudence@creators.com)
"Futurists of the past thought that technology would lighten our burden.   They reasoned that if machines could help people do eight hours of work in six, humans could have an extra two hours of free time.   The opposite occurred.   We started doing what used to take ten hours in eight hours.   What happened?   Humans were offered the gift of free time, and they turned it down.   People didn't turn machines into servants.   They turned themselves into machines."
— Froma Harrop (fharrop@projo.com)
"Without ambition one starts nothing.   Without work one finishes nothing.   The prize will not be sent to you.   You have to win it."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Why can't you share your bed?   .   .   .   The most loving thing to do is share your bed with someone   .   .   .   It is very right; it is very loving."
— Michael Jackson (2003)
"I do not agree with the big way of doing things.   To us what matters is an individual.   If we wait to get the numbers, we will be lost in the numbers."
— Mother Teresa
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, is amended--

(1) by inserting `(a)' before `Whoever'; and

(2) by adding at the end the following:

`(b) As used in this section, the term `profane', used with respect to language, includes the words `shit', `piss', `fuck', `cunt', `asshole', and the phrases `cock sucker', `mother fucker', and `ass hole', compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).'.

  — the full text of HR 3687 (your congress at work).
P.S. Did they consult George Carlin on this?
The difference between "involvement" and "commitment" can be seen in an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was "involved"   —   the pig was "committed."
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, in 1943
"I have not failed.   I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
"We didn't lose the game.   We just ran out of time."
— Vince Lombardi
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
— Carl Sagan
"When I get lost, I don't panic.   I just change where I want to go."
- Rita Rudner
    "It takes a big man to admit that he's wrong.   I'm not a big man."
— Chevy Chase as Fletch
"In general, rays of light are propagated curvilinearly in gravitational fields."
— Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"You'll have to remember that this is a movie.   It's Hollywood.   It's not intended to be a documentary about the Wiccan religion.   It's intended to make money.   It will, hopefully, be entertaining.   Do you think you can work with that?"
- The director of "The Craft" to Pat Devin, whom he hired to be the Wiccan consultant for the film
"The best way to get the news is from objective sources ... and the most objective sources I have are people on my staff who tell me what's happening in the world."
- President George W. Bush (November 2003)
Dear God,
Do you have pets?   Or are we all your pets?
— from Pets' Letters to God

Aoccdrnig to a rseearch sutdy at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are; the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

If you think the problem is bad now, wait until we've solved it.
      "The other day I saw a bumper sticker that said LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. So I did. I told my boss what I thought of him, and I quit my job. I went home and told my wife that I still love her even though she's gotten fat. I bought a carton of Marlboro 100's and started smoking again.

      "The problem is that that day wasn't the last day of my life. I woke up the next morning without a job, with my wife mad at me, and with tobacco stains on my fingers. What I'm looking for now is a bumper sticker that tells me what to do if I live a certain day as if it's the last day of my life, only it turns out it's not."

    — a bearded comedian on Comedy Central (sorry, but I didn't get his name)
Anything anybody does anywhere affects everything everywhere.
    Things I heard about that made me laugh (I thought my leg was being pulled) until I found out they were true:

    1. Arnold Schwarzenegger elected governor of California.

    2. Mel Gibson starring in "Hamlet."

    3. George W. Bush elected President for a second term.

    4. [April 2005] Al Edwards, a Texas state senator, introducing a bill to make it illegal for cheerleaders to use sexy dance moves.
    In a pure democracy, if the majority are cannibals, then the rest of us are supper.
"Democracy is two wolves and one lamb voting on what's for dinner."
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn't mean God doesn't love heterosexuals, it's just that they need more supervision."
- Lynn Lavner, a lesbian comic
One Millihelen:   the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship.
Our three greatest fears:
Not having enough;
Not doing enough;
Not BEING enough.
"Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans, born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage, and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed and to which we are committed today, at home and around the world."
- John F. Kennedy, 1961 (in his inaugural address)
Love may fail.
Simple politeness often works much better.

"There's nothing worse than a woman know-it-all."
Sen. Tom Delay, April 5, 2006
Playfulness is next to godliness.

If you're 78 years old and you wake up in the morning and you don't feel any pain, you're dead.
"Silly Europeans!   I neither think nor am."
- an Oriental philosopher
"Columbus discovered America in 1492.   He was looking for a new passage to India.   He thought the people he met were Indians, so that's what he called them.   He took some of them back to Spain with him.   When the 'Indians' stepped ashore in Spain, did they say, 'Hey, we've discovered Europe?'"
— Jay Leno (August 3, 2004)
    We don't stop playing because we get old.   We get old because we stop playing.
"What was that?   A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul?   Hell, I've been dancing wrong all these years!"

    "To understand others is wisdom.   To understand oneself is enlightenment."
— Lao Tzu
    If two people in a relationship are exactly alike, then one of them is unnecessary.
    If you were born on the island of Lesbos, what do you tell people that your nationality is?
    I dreamed last night that I was writing The Lord of the Rings   .   .   .   but I was only Tolkien in my sleep.
"Rejecting Islam is insulting God.   We will not allow God to be humiliated.   This man [Abdul Rahman] must die.   Cut off his head!   We will call on the people to pull him into pieces so there's nothing left."
  —   Abdul Raoulf, "moderate" Afghan cleric (March 24, 2006)
"The big question we still have to answer is not where we're going, but what are we doing here in the first place?"
  —   Art Buchwald
"I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."
  —   Steven Colbert at the White House Correspondents Association dinner (April 29, 2006)
"A single intelligent remark can destroy a man's entire career."
— Ezra Pound (1919)
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
"The United States Constitution admittedly has a few defects and blemishes, but it still seems a hell of a lot better than the system we have now."
— Robert Anton Wilson
The Playboy models look like they very much want to make love with you.   The Penthouse models look like that they'd rather make love to themselves.   The gals in Hustler look like they're submitting to a gyncecological examination.
Most people do and say most of the things they do and say for exactly the same reason: they never stop to think about it.
"Lifelock will prevent a thief from using your identity and, of course, the nightmare that comes with it."
— a radio commercial, Dallas, July 25, 2006. This is a verbatim quote.

More Quotations (page 2)

Pertaining to
the Craft
True Stories
On a
Personal Note
My Favorite
Court Cases
Christians and
Top 1000