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... Quotations (page 3)
(Sorry about all the font colors. RED indicates a link.)
"Okay, I found inner peace. Now what?"
Pendragon, famous Pagan website owner and bon vivant
"Everything is a subject on which there is not much to be said."
C.S. Lewis
Wisdom is not knowledge but instead the recognition of one's lack thereof.
If every human on earth died, would the population of our planet be zero?
I love you not because of who you are, but because of how good I look when I'm with you.
"Slay the idolaters wherever ye find them."
Holy Qu'ran, Sura 9:5
"When you meet the unbelievers in battle, strike off their heads; then when you have made wide slaughter among them, carefully tie up the remaining captives."
Holy Qu'ran, Sura 47:4
"You don't have to have uniformity to have unity."
John Ashcroft
"I woke up this morning and rolled over in bed, and while I was shaving your mothers back, she said, 'Hey, if my retarded son shows up at your concert tonight, tell him to keep his fuckin' mouth shut.'"
Bobcat Goldthwait, comedian, addressing a heckler
"Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of."
"Where Your Eyes Don't Go" by They Might Be Giants
"I can't imagine a man wanting to marry me. I should think it would seem like marrying a statue."
Helen Keller
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- Woody Allen
"Deep inside, I'm just a frightened little boy ... okay, not really. I just said that because I thought it would make you want to go to bed with me."
Pendragon, famous Pagan website owner and bon vivant (at the age of 25)
"Yet regardless of logic, no matter how prepared you think you are for 'the inevitable,' it's amazing how the brain scrambles to make sense of the death of someone whose life is so intimately intertwined with yours. The loss creates a physical ache, like taking a punch to the stomach. It leaves you raw, rudderless, and disoriented. Part of it is the shock of the sudden interruption of habit we talked, we laughed, played with our son, watched movies together, ate dinner together, met with friends. All of that is suddenly gone."
Blanche Barton, explaining how she was affected by the death of Anton LaVey in 1997 (in The Black Flame, Vol. 6, #15)
"I don't demand that a theory correspond to reality because I don't know what it [reality] is. Reality is not a quality you can test with litmus paper. All I'm concerned with is that the theory should predict the results of measurements."
Stephen Hawking
"Beliefs" are for those who have no actual experience. If you know god, or if you've ever been in love, you don't need to memorize a list of doctrines or study any abstract principles. You have il vraie chose, which is much more complex and beautiful than any system of belief could ever be.
When it comes to The Fantastic Four ... I have a few issues.
"This is real life ... you're gonna love it!"
from the Broadway musical "Avenue Q"
"If ya can't see the possum hangin' from the tree at midnight, then a shotgun ain't gonna keep ya from gettin' a mouthful o' hair."
attributed to "Dr. Phil"
"With some reluctance, Baldomerro retrieved the screaming chihuahua from the cauldron as, once again, the remembrance of Sylvia's tender smile wafted through his mind."
my entry in the "Worst Opening Sentence of a Novel" contest
Just for today, I will get in touch with my inner sociopath.
Shit happens ... sometimes shitloads of shit. The true test of your character is what you do with the shit.
We are all products of our history, but we don't have to be prisoners of our history. I have learned from my past, but I don't let my past define me.
"I don't know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."
Sir Isaac Newton
"Warn you we tried. Listen you did not. Screwed you will be."
Yoda
From "The Simpsons:"
"I've done things I'm not proud of, and the things I AM proud of are pretty disgusting."
Homer Simpson
"Oh, Mr. Burns, we'll thaw you out the second they discover the cure for seventeen stab wounds in the back."
Smithers
"This so-called 'new religion' is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools! Let us say the Lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate."
Rev. Lovejoy (from a sermon about the Movementarians)
"This is terrible. And this never would have happened if the wedding had been inside the church with God, and not out here in the cheap showiness of nature."
Rev. Lovejoy (referring to an outdoor wedding that was canceled because of bad weather)
"I've been going to Bible classes. They're teaching me to be more judgmental."
Ned Flanders' wife
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and the wiser people are so full of doubt."
Bertrand Russell
It is all real, and it is all metaphor ... there is always more to know.
Life is sexually transmitted.
My intuition makes up for my lack of judgment.
Just by being born in the United States of America, you've already hit the lottery. The United States has only 6% of the world's population, yet it consumes 50% of the world's resources. How would you like to be an unemployed "street person" in Thailand?
I am only one, but I am one ... and I'm the one the world revolves around.
"Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it."
George W. Bush, Kirtland, Ohio, April 15, 2005
We learn from history that we do not learn from history
There is actually a town in Austria named
Fucking.
Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give possesses you.
Andre Gide
I told my doctor my penis was burning. He said that's because somebody's talking about it.
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy
I'll take a "5" with a "10" attitude over a "10" with a "5" attitude any day.
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."
George Bernard Shaw
Our task must be to free ourselves ... by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.
Albert Einstein
When things go wrong, don't go wrong with them.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
Kin Hubbard
"It's remarkable how much you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the credit."
Harry S. Truman
"Excuse me, but when you heckle me, you're taking away my audience, and since I'm an entertainer, this audience is one of the tools of my trade. How would you like it if I went to where you work and took away your toilet brush?"
Milton Berle, addressing a heckler
Tact is for people who aren't witty enough for sarcasm.
I'm not pompous, I'm pedantic. There's a difference. Let me explain it to you ...
"Catch and release" when you just want to make the fish late for something.
Lewd, crude, and rude ... and I have other traits that don't even rhyme.
The lesser of two evils is still less evil.
Circular logic is self-validating. Therefore, it is correct.
If there were no rhetorical questions, what would we do with our hypothetical answers?
"Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills."
Sen. Tom Delay
Some people see the glass as being half empty; others see it as half full; I just think it's twice as big as it needs to be.
"Suicide is our way of saying to God, 'You can't fire me! I quit!'"
Bill Mahr
The Two Rules:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
I don't get mad, I get even. Sometimes I get odd.
Think of this as a live role-playing game.
Life is like a metaphor ... or maybe it's a simile.
Form follows function, and often obliterates it.
Follow the rules, but never follow a rule off a cliff.
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
I stared into the abyss. The abyss stared into me. Neither of us liked what we saw.
There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A third less than it takes to change a regular bulb.
A sentence is a terrible thing to put a preposition at the end of.
You cannot achieve the impossible until you attempt the absurd.
Love means never having to say "Honey, please put down that .357."
I am incorrigible. Please do not try to corrig me.
I am not a minority. I am an outnumbered majority.
Q: What do you get if you play New Age music backwards?
A: New Age music.
Vodka corrupts. Absolut vodka corrupts absolutly.
Death is only a doorway ... here, let me hold that open for you.
Blood is thicker than water (remember to adjust your recipe accordingly).
Anyone who wears a "Bitch" button probably isn't kidding.
Yes, you have freedom of speech. Fortunately, I have freedom not to listen.
Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads "not guilty."
To get something clean, you must get something else dirty.
"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."
Woody Allen
"Kid, the next time I say, 'Let's go someplace like Bolivia,' let's go someplace like Bolivia."
Paul Newman (as Butch Cassidy)
"You're everywhere. You're omnivorous."
Homer Simpson (speaking to God)
"Phfft! Facts. You can use them to prove anything."
Homer Simpson
"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."
Homer Simpson
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
Homer Simpson
"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."
Homer Simpson
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
Homer Simpson
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